Ups and Downs, but mostly Downs

I'm not going to lie. Life right now is definitely the hardest I have ever experienced. It's sad to me that before being married, before being finished with school, and completely on my own--I never realized how much I had. I mean, I have always considered myself very blessed, and I still do, but being out in the real world has definitely taught me how important even just the simple necessities in life are, especially when you can no longer afford to buy them. I have definitely learned the value of a penny and working for every penny I earn. It's really tough. I know people go to work every day and most people are struggling right now, just like us, but that still doesn't seem to make me feel better. I hate the fact that growing up- teachers make it sound so easy: go to school, graduate from school, get a job--but it is not at all that simple with today's economy. I guess this is more of a belated blog.....that should have been written months ago, but let's just say I've had the stresses of life and the real world taking up all my time before I even thought about writing a little update. It took me months and months to find a job as a college graduate and that made me feel worthless. I didn't even get a big fancy job at first- I got a nannying job. However, I will say that after only two months of that and being switched from full-time to part-time, finding another job in a matter of one week is nothing short of a miracle- especially since I got a teaching job. I suppose I just have a lot of frustration with the way things are right now.....I worked so hard to finish college early. That was of course a personal goal that I set for myself, but apparently I finished college at the worst possible time. There were no jobs, too many people looking for jobs, which meant I needed a masters degree and everything under the sun to be set apart from others. But....I guess in the long run, my prayers were answered. I love being a preschool teacher, especially at such a nice private school. It's absolutely exhausting though, and requires an enormous amount of outside work on top of the back-breaking work I do all day at the school. And of course, I would- I would pick the job that has such an awful pay. How sad is that, anyways? I have never understood nor will I ever understand why the most important job on the planet, the teaching of our future generation, gets the pay of...of practically nothing? It's absolutely disgusting! However, this job will lead me as far as need be until I can do my DREAM job---and if you know me, you also know what that is. I cannot wait to be a mother. I think a mother and of course teacher, are the most important jobs. (I considered them the same job in many ways). As for the other stresses of life, the topic, the word, the object, money- could not be hated more. It always seems to cause a bad mood, an argument, or a night of no sleep and constant worry. I've gotten much too far away from God than ever before and it kills me. I seem to make excuses for every Sunday as to why I cannot go find a new church. Although sickness has consumed my life for a matter of four months, I still know that there were many, many times where I could have gotten off my lazy butt and shown him what was most important to me- but I didn't. I've even gotten out of my daily habit of praying....it was such a huge part of me, naturally. I've dug a hole so deep with this stress and worry, and pushing him away that i've realized that it's made me a whole different person. I absolutely HATE that. Luckily, i've begun to get back into my habit and I'm trying really hard to get back to that place......I need to be there. I'm praying for our marriage to grow in him, for our finances to be stable, and for us to be able to make big things happen for our future, wisely. Before I end up writing something much too long to keep anyone's interest, I will stop here. As for now, I'm praying and trusting that it will all work out. "Don't quit during the hard times; pray all the harder." Romans 12:12