Ups and Downs, but mostly Downs

I'm not going to lie. Life right now is definitely the hardest I have ever experienced. It's sad to me that before being married, before being finished with school, and completely on my own--I never realized how much I had. I mean, I have always considered myself very blessed, and I still do, but being out in the real world has definitely taught me how important even just the simple necessities in life are, especially when you can no longer afford to buy them. I have definitely learned the value of a penny and working for every penny I earn. It's really tough. I know people go to work every day and most people are struggling right now, just like us, but that still doesn't seem to make me feel better. I hate the fact that growing up- teachers make it sound so easy: go to school, graduate from school, get a job--but it is not at all that simple with today's economy. I guess this is more of a belated blog.....that should have been written months ago, but let's just say I've had the stresses of life and the real world taking up all my time before I even thought about writing a little update. It took me months and months to find a job as a college graduate and that made me feel worthless. I didn't even get a big fancy job at first- I got a nannying job. However, I will say that after only two months of that and being switched from full-time to part-time, finding another job in a matter of one week is nothing short of a miracle- especially since I got a teaching job. I suppose I just have a lot of frustration with the way things are right now.....I worked so hard to finish college early. That was of course a personal goal that I set for myself, but apparently I finished college at the worst possible time. There were no jobs, too many people looking for jobs, which meant I needed a masters degree and everything under the sun to be set apart from others. But....I guess in the long run, my prayers were answered. I love being a preschool teacher, especially at such a nice private school. It's absolutely exhausting though, and requires an enormous amount of outside work on top of the back-breaking work I do all day at the school. And of course, I would- I would pick the job that has such an awful pay. How sad is that, anyways? I have never understood nor will I ever understand why the most important job on the planet, the teaching of our future generation, gets the pay of...of practically nothing? It's absolutely disgusting! However, this job will lead me as far as need be until I can do my DREAM job---and if you know me, you also know what that is. I cannot wait to be a mother. I think a mother and of course teacher, are the most important jobs. (I considered them the same job in many ways). As for the other stresses of life, the topic, the word, the object, money- could not be hated more. It always seems to cause a bad mood, an argument, or a night of no sleep and constant worry. I've gotten much too far away from God than ever before and it kills me. I seem to make excuses for every Sunday as to why I cannot go find a new church. Although sickness has consumed my life for a matter of four months, I still know that there were many, many times where I could have gotten off my lazy butt and shown him what was most important to me- but I didn't. I've even gotten out of my daily habit of praying....it was such a huge part of me, naturally. I've dug a hole so deep with this stress and worry, and pushing him away that i've realized that it's made me a whole different person. I absolutely HATE that. Luckily, i've begun to get back into my habit and I'm trying really hard to get back to that place......I need to be there. I'm praying for our marriage to grow in him, for our finances to be stable, and for us to be able to make big things happen for our future, wisely. Before I end up writing something much too long to keep anyone's interest, I will stop here. As for now, I'm praying and trusting that it will all work out. "Don't quit during the hard times; pray all the harder." Romans 12:12

Switchfoot/Blue October Concert

Last night, Joey and I went to the Blue October and Switchfoot concert at Masquerade in Midtown. I had never even heard of Blue October myself, but I was willing to go just to see Switchfoot, whom I LOVE! They sing some of my favorite songs like Dare You To Move, Meant To Live, Only Hope, You, and This Is Your Life. We got there just in time to hear Switchfoot singing as we walked in the small, over-crowded and stinky building. Joey immediately put me on his shoulders to see better and it was as if I was on the stage by myself with tons of people below. I had the perfect view of Switchfoot and then they moved even closer to a smaller stage near us. It was AMAZING! They sang Dare You To Move and I was in heaven. It always reminds me of the wonderful and one of my all-time favorite movies, A Walk To Remember.

After that, however, the evening was beyond weird. Blue October came on and they are (no offense) the strangest band I've ever heard. I did not like their music at all. I decided after seeing the lead singer that he must have experienced something very traumatic as a child and his singing career was merely an outward expression of his personal diary. He acted like a mental patient! I'm sorry, but if you like guys who wear eye liner and scream and complain about how sucky life is, you must have had the worst of everything. Besides that, there was a guy right in front of me who was super strange- one of those guys who probably has never talked to a girl, who wore a black t-shirt that said "Let me into your mind" and put a black bandanna over the bottom half of his face. He danced like someone who seriously needs to get out more....and shook his nasty, long hair back and forth which made me nervous about what I couldn't see going into my drink. It was really frustrating and everyone stared at him.

Then, to my right, we had a couple- guy and girl who were (according to the decision of others around me) clearly on Ecstasy, and dancing all over each other like the people do in one of those really weird plays. The looks on their faces were definitely new to me, and it made me wonder if they would even make it home safely. The band seemed to play on and on forever and I was ready to after I heard the first sentence he sang- or you could even say after Switchfoot was done. The night was really much more eventful than this, but I can't imagine writing about such disturbing details. WOW. I will never ever again go to a concert of a band that I have never even heard of, despite the fact their opening act is one of my faves. Last night also made me realize why I don't hang out with random people I don't know--at least, normally.....you never know what people are going to do. Oh well...now I know better. 'Til next time....

A Sister Day

Today my sister Stephanie came over to my apartment to hang out for the first time. Joey was out working, so we decided to make a day of it and have lunch, watch some movies, and enjoy some of my homemade Sangria. First we ate some yummy Wendy's that definitely hit the spot with that yummy fried chicken sandwhich and then we decided to settled down to start the movies. We watched the Hannah Montana Movie, which is really good, surprisingly...and then watched The Last House on the Left. It was just simply wonderful to be able to spend some time with my sweet Sister! She even got to meet Izzy, our new kitten, whom absolutely loved Stephanie. What a wonderful way to spend the day! Sometimes I get lonely during the day, while I'm in the process of trying to find a job and Joey is at work. There's nothing like a sister's love. What a great day! (The pic above is when we were little...and I just LOVE it!) =D 'Til next time!

Where do I go down this new road?

Summer has just ended and I feel more and more pressured to find a job. I feel more discouraged as each day passes with uncertainty and wonder why there is always something to worry about. I've always been a worrier, but I thought I had grown out of it. I had written a blog a few months back about how I felt that God had answered my prayers in what I was supposed to do with my life once I finished college.....but now I'm not so sure. Especially dealing with the no's---getting all excited about an interview to Nanny, being that it is the closest job to my biggest love and passion= being a mother, and then being told I need more experience. I'm not giving up, I guess it's just hard being in this new phase of life and always waiting....and waiting....and just thinking about how I'm not a career woman at all- which I hate to tell people- but that all I want to do is be a mom. I know it will take time and I want that to happen when we're in the best financial situation possible, but I just feel so unsure of what job will make me happy and if nannying will do the trick. I just don't think I want to teach anymore....at least not other kids, only my own. Who knows. Married life is wonderful, but we are definitely both dealing with the stresses of getting that job and earning money. I couldn't be anymore blessed than I already am, so I shouldn't be complaining. I guess I just don't like unsettled situations. I want to know I can get a job and know that every interview isn't a waste of my time. I guess we'll see. I'll be praying......

Looking Back...

I cannot believe that it is already August. It's insane how fast time goes by....especially when you are enjoying it. A new school year is just around the corner and for the first time in my whole life, I'm on the other side of the fence. I get to stand aside for once and watch all of the craziness a new school year brings. It is the greatest feeling in the world knowing that I have completed my schooling and am a graduate of an amazing university. I realized just yesterday that I never wrote about my experience at APU, other than the little pieces I included over the years. So, here goes.

Freshman year at Azusa Pacific was probably one of the best years of my life. Not only did I meet the most amazing people, including my best friend Sam, but I also met my future husband, Joey, that year. It was a whole new phase of my life- far away from home, not knowing a single person, adventure, freedom, curiosity, growth. It's almost impossible for me to explain how much I grew as not only a person, but spiritually, emotionally, and mentally. I felt like I matured very quickly after being put in such a big, new situation. It amazed me to see tons and tons of people my age that were worshipping in chapel and then keeping that same kind of environment for school. Although I know that I grew so much in so many different ways, at the same time, I know that it's because I put myself in countless situations that I had never even considered before. I met all different types of people, people from all over the country, and even the world. I experienced so many things that I had only dreamed of before. Whether it be a beach bonfire, a huge campus picnic or concert, learning to longboard, or just really getting to know people to the deepest, it was the best year of college, by far.

Sophomore year was definitely a bit different. I would have to say it was the absolute worst year of my life. Why you might ask? ROOMMATES. Oh how I should have payed attention to the tell-tale signs of those two...but not that that would have really mattered. I never knew that girls could be so mean- all for NO REASON. It was a year of balancing my first serious relationship and my best friend, which is what started the whole thing. I never did a single thing to them, not one thing.....but for some reason, they chose to make my life a living hell even after my best friend moved out to do her LA term. Throughout the whole situation, I learned that well, girls are evil. haha. but most importantly I learned that true friends can work through anything and then they just become 20 times closer. As for the two other girls, who were absolutely miserable in their own lives, I still to this day do not know why they treated me so cruel and constantly did things to make my life miserable as well....like throwing away my toothbrush, talking about me 24/7 while I was in the house, glaring at me every time I come and go, telling me I'm an awful roommate who doesnt deserve their own room, etc. I don't even remember the worst of what they said and did because it was so painful I tried to push it out of my mind. Anywho....so that was my second year of college....very much different than my first AMAZING year...but hey, God got me through it and to end the year, I got engaged to the love of my life. Oh....and of course they glared at that.

Senior year was closer to Freshman year than the second year, but definitely wasn't the same at all. It was a fun, relaxing year, being my last, but it still had its little glitches. It was definitely the most stressful year because I was trying to graduate early, so all of my classes were a lot to deal with. I took 21 hours the first semester and 19 the second....it was nuts, but I'm sooo proud of myself for doing it. I had some wonderful roommates Dani and Ashley, who definitely kept things interesting and entertaining. We all went through a lot of hard times together. God definitely continued to change my life, especially preparing me for my soon-to-be marriage. There were some rough times, but it always seemed to work out. Some of the best times that year included my 21st birthday, where Joey got me a hummer limo (my first ride in a limo) with a bunch of my friends and we all went out to eat and celebrated. There was also my trip to Vegas with my mom and sis that finished my bday celebration- and WOW...that was incredible. Great restaurants, shows, shopping, exploring, drinks, gambling....haha you name it. It was definitely the best birthday I've ever had.

The end of my last year at APU was not only emotional, but exciting. It was amazing to have the excitement of the wedding coming up, the excitement of returning home, and really the excitement of my college career coming to an end. It was kind of crazy trying to think of the end of college....and wondering what I would do and how it went by so fast. I had always thought I'd feel so different...but I guess when you grow up, you don't really notice it's still you. I wouldn't change a single thing about my college career because I know even the lowest points were what made me stronger and changed my life for the better. Being at school in California made me really understand who I was, what I believed, and how much I really, truly loved home in Georgia. If someone had told me I was going to go to college in California, I would have never believed them, but now, it just seems so normal- my other life, that it's crazy to remember thinking of it being a big deal. I just know that I am so thankful that I had the opportunity, from my parents, to experience such a different life, to meet amazing people, and to learn from people who believed like me. I am beyond blessed for all the opportunities it brought my way and for how it changed my life forever.

Married Life

It has been eleven days since Joey and I said "I do" and words just cannot possibly describe how amazing the start of our life together has been. The wedding was beyond our wildest dreams, however, being that we were both on edge with nerves, excitement, and stress, we weren't able to take it all in like everyone else. We cannot wait to see the pictures to give us a vision of what we weren't able to see as we focused so deeply on each other. Our families and friends went above and beyond to make our day special and it is impossible to find the words to thank each of you for all that you have done in our lives.

We spent our wedding night in the Governor's Suite at Chateau Elan, which was absolutely breath-taking. Our amazing wedding coordinator, Drew, said "well it was available, so I wanted to do that for you, instead of the suite." We could not believe it. I just wish we were able to spend a couple of days there, to enjoy each of the ten rooms it seemed to have, but we left bright and early for the airport on Sunday morning to head to Cancun for our Honeymoon.

We got to the airport and everything still seemed unreal. It's crazy to imagine a day that you wear a gorgeous gown---your whole life---and for it to pass by so quickly. It seemed hard for us to get out of the 'fiancee' title. However, the transition to husband and wife has been the best time of my life by far. We arrived in Cancun to see the weather very gloomy and raining like a monsoon---but we didn't care. We came to enjoy ourselves, not to tan, and to have lots of alone time, finally as a married couple. The resort was absolutely beautiful- even better than all the pictures and what we had imagined. There were maybe ten restauarants, six or so bars- including a swim up bar, and amazing hammocks over the pool, romantic beds on the beach, and even private areas for us in the "excellence club" to relax. Being that it was all inclusive, that took a load of our shoulders and enabled us to relax right away. Although taxes and tips are included in the all inclusive program, we still wanted to tip those who went out of there way to care for us. Everything was incredible-- from the endless drinks, lunches on the beach, dinners in nice restaurants- asian, italian, american, you name it--there was nothing to complain about....just to rave about.

We were in Cancun for only five days, but it was just enough to blow our minds, relax us, and be excited for our next step in our marriage. My family, as amazing as they are, helped move in some furniture and our wedding presents to our apartment while we were gone, so it was wonderful to come home to our new place- finally complete with a bedroom suit, couches, and our lovely dining table. It was been so wonderful settling into our new home and just being together a lot. Joey has cooked us delicious dinners every night and even wonderful breakfasts in the morning. I cannot possibly explain how blessed and lucky I feel....I just know that I have never felt more in love, more sure of anything, happier, more loved in my entire life. I can only imagine what God has in store for us and our future as a family. So here's to the Married Life!!!

An Answered Prayer

For many months people have asked me one question. I'm sure you can guess it. "What are you doing after college, Sarah?" I have told everyone who asks me this that I have absolutely no idea. Those who knew that I was majoring in Liberal Studies (aka Early Childhood Education) and who know my personality well, know that I have the hugest passion and dream of my career being a housewife and mother. I wrote a year ago about how a young teacher (unmarried) during my TAP experience squashed that idea and made me feel horrible about it. She told me that getting married before 25 was way too young and that I needed to accomplish my own goals and dreams and make something of myself before I surrendered my life to being stuck as a housewife who does not have an identity. Of course, I was completely shocked by this response and very angry and hurt that the world has come to think this way...that housewives and mothers are no longer needed or considered one of the most important jobs in the world....Although, that still hasn't changed my big dream or my attitude of its importance. Many of you know that I had had many bad experiences with the teaching assistant program that I was required to complete during my first year of teaching courses, which led me to decide that I was not meant to teach. This was all because of ONE single teacher who was rude to me, did not respect my desire and willingness to help and learn and do what she needed me to do in her classroom, which ended up leaving me a negative attitude towards teaching or anything to do with it. However, being that this is my last year of college, actually my last semester, I have been praying constantly about what I should be doing after I graduate but it had not been clear at all until just recently.
With all of the wedding planning and stress of my seven classes (22 hours) I have not been able to give myself time to notice was has been happening this semester or even time to breathe, relax, and do something for myself. Amidst all of the work that goes into graduating in 3 years, I have succeeded in losing myself because I have not had any time to care that I was no longer doing things to make myself happy, but things to follow a plan in graduating early. For some reason, these past couples of weeks I was made aware of something that I thought had already been decided---my teaching career. Let me fill you in: Every Thursday, I go to an elementary school to teach Physical Education to first graders (this is one of 4 schools I go to each week to teach) and boy, is that crazy! Two weeks ago, it was my turn to teach (out of my group members) PE to our 1st grade class and I had been dreading it for weeks not because I didn't want to do it, but because I get so nervous to have all attention on me and to speak in front of a large group. The morning I was supposed to teach, I woke up feeling as calm as I had ever felt in my life. I had been praying that I would do a great job and that I could do better than my group members had done. When I got to the school, I had successfully been able to get all of the equipment for my lesson plan, 21 name tags for the kids, and a confident and excited mood for being a teacher. This class of first graders is absolutely crazy, and you can see that by looking around the field outside and noticing the other first graders being obedient and quiet when asked to do so. Something was different about this day and I'm not sure why...maybe it was because I prayed. I began to explain my lesson to the kids who were unusually and surprisingly being quiet and listening extremely well as compared to my other group members lesson. I planned a Jumping lesson for them, which used animals to display different levels of jumping: low, medium, and high. I used stations with poly spots (rubber circles they jump on), dome cones, and regular orange cones to represent the different levels of jumping which were 1-low like a frog jumping on a lily pad, 2- like a kangaroo jumping over rocks, and 3- like a Deer jumping high over the bushes. The kids absolutely loved my lesson. They cooperated, listened, showed extreme enthusiasm and when at the end, I began to review what they had learned, they rememembered everything I had told them. I have never felt that confident and happy that I had achieved so much and truly felt like a good teacher. I didn't realize that throughout the semester, I had fallen in love with all of my different classes ranging from 1st grade to 6th grade. Even in my 2nd grade English class, I have kids drawing me pictures, squeezing me so tight with hugs every time I come and go, and begging me to stay. It wasn't until this past week that I had this sudden realization that maybe God had answered my prayer and tried to show me that I was and really am meant to be a teacher to young kids. I feel now that my major actually has been worthwhile and that my natural love and dream of being a wife and mother actually coincides with a possible career outside of the house. It's an amazing feeling and a realization and answer that I have been waiting for. I'm not sure how difficult it will be to make happen, with all of the testing and certification, but I know that this hasn't all happened for nothing.......

Until next time....<3